What is Vernadyn?

As you've probably noticed, the title of this blog is Vernadyn. Well, what the heck's a Vernadyn?

I'm not telling.

Yet.

Universal Studios Hollywood

A few weeks ago, I got to attend world-renowned Universal Studios Hollywood. Now, I'm a pretty big Disneyland geek and while much of it still impresses, I have been there too many times to count and a little something called "overexposure" has set in. Don't misunderstand me; Space Mountain, Indiana Jones Adventure, and the Tower of Terror are peerless in my book, and probably always will be. And if I got a chance to see Fantasmic! (no, that's not my exclamation point) or the 50th Anniversary fireworks show again, I'd take it in a snap. But man, it seems, craves change and there are so many theme/amusement parks I haven't been to. Universal parks in particular seem to have a strong online following, and as many TV ads will show, it's clearly trying to compete with Disney Imagineering.

I'll admit, I'm slightly predisposed to prefer Disney over something else (except regarding direct-to-video stuff-- in that area, everyone sucks). This is most true in two major areas: 1) feature animation, and 2) theme parks. For instance, there is no American animated feature yet that has surpassed or even met Pixar or the good Disney films, in my opinion. But there is an exception: "The Iron Giant". Would a Universal attraction prove to be up to the Disney standard? I tried to keep an open mind at the park, keeping those jealous Mickeys (call them Mickey Eisners) at bay. After all, Universal commercials had been on Disney's ABC.

The news, as one might expect, is mixed. I'll go from worst to best.

Ooh, the Mummy ride. The product of much hoopla and excitement courtesy, of Universal's marketing department. I actually was looking forward to this ride, as a kind of Indiana Jones/roller coaster hybrid. I had read all over the Web about the thematic complexity of the ride, how visual, audio, tactile, and olfactory effects perfectly complemented the movement of the coaster itself, telling a seamless story. The truth? Well, it's not bad. But it was certainly quite a disappointment.

The queue winds outside the building for quite some time, and there is little theming save for some ambient "Egyptian" music playing. (On the other hand, you can watch vehicles drive along a service road leading into the heart of the studio and under the lowest of the four escalators leading down to the lower lot). Once inside the building, we are in Indiana Jones land-- albeit a bit darker and with none of those cool flickering light effects. The first gag is a hole that practically begs you to insert a hand, resulting in a sharp puff of air. Then comes a little alcove with a (fake) open book. Touching it (it may need time to reset) results in, well, some loud noise. Then, oh then, comes a large room with a round screen. On it, a feminine version of Emperor Palpatine recites stuff like "Imhotep will reign" and "Eternal darkness", while ghostly Egyptian maidens repeat her most potent words. The effect is strikingly similar to a parrot repeating what it's heard several times in a row. This whole video is supposed to cast a pall of doom, but for some reason, it's remarkably off-putting. By the time I exited the room, I had a serious urge to punch the remaining teeth out of the old woman and use them as playing pieces in Monopoly, which I would quickly win against those brainless "Undead maidens". Fortunately, the loading station is right after this ridiculousness. The first thing I noticed was the small size of the ride vehicles-- holding, I thing, two or three rows of four. And I thought it was going to be a full-sized train!

Then comes the best part of the ride. The vehicle leisurely prowls through elaborately themed rooms. There is an image of a man being overrun by dung beetles shouting "Turn back! The curse is real!" A few more rooms in, skeletal limbs start to drop from the ceiling. This part of the ride is about as elaborately themed as any Disney attraction, and almost as rich as the Indiana Jones Adventure, although very, very, very short. Then, Imhotep appears overhead and launches the vehicle into the coaster. And here, my friends, is where the disappointments begin.

The launch is predictably thrilling, though not as intense as the one in California Screamin'. The roller coaster speeds and banks around a dark room, but you can still somehow see the track just ahead. The only other thing that happens is that the vehicle passes under what looks like cardboard mummies with fluorescent paint. Underwhelming, to say the least. It then stops and the beetles attack-- yes, you do actually feel them on your legs-- before going through the rest of the short ride backwards. It was over so quickly that I turned around, expecting more, but saw the loading station. But though the coaster was done, the ride apparently wasn't, as the vehicle spun around and was engulfed in mist. Just like you saw from the station!
I exited rather confused. The ride was indeed very short, and all the good effects had been during the slow part. I don't know. I just expected more out of this ride, and what I got was a dark ride followed by a rather conventional roller coaster. Oh, it wasn't all bad, it was thrilling enough and I'd ride it again if the line was less than 20 minutes. But I expected more depth and story on the ride itself, and I didn't get it. And after seeing T2:3D, the effects weren't all that spectacular.


I waited quite a bit for this ride, enough to see the whole show on the overhead televisions. I'm a fan of Jurassic Park, both Michael Crichton's book and Steven Spielberg's movie. And the clips that played overhead were remarkably interesting and informative. Lord Richard Attenborough even reprised his role as Hammond. As for the ride itself, I presumed it would be Splash Mountain on steroids. It starts with a lift that dumps the large raft into a tunnel of foliage, making a u-turn into a cove where friendly herbivorous dinosaurs do their best to make you wet. Eventually, a dino pops out of the water, sending the raft of course, and startling the stranger next to me who was trying to take a picture.

The ride starts to take on an eerie tone as we pass a decimated raft, complete with tourist belongings and...mouse ears. The effect where the jeep almost falls on you is pretty good, as it slides straight down the wall and then leans toward the raft. However, you can clearly see the track it goes on, and it starts to reset while still in plain view. (Wow, mommy! Look at that jeep go UP the wall!) In the water treatment plant, raptors try to attack. I expected them to strike out of nowhere, like in the movie, but you can see them before they start moving. One raptor, however, comes out of the ceiling, sliding along another ill-hidden track. Eventually, the raft comes to what I think is the best part. No, not the drop, but a T-rex animatronic that looks like it's right in front of you. Make no mistake, this part is a real thrill. It seems to almost touch you! Then comes the inevitable drop. Even though it's 84 or 85 feet, it somehow doesn't feel as fast or as long as Splash Mountain's final dip. This is surprising, and I don't know why it feels this way. So it's somewhat of a letdown after the awesome T-rex (if you've ridden Splash Mountain, which is longer, a bit more interesting, and boasts no fewer than five drops-- two little ones inside, one medium one outside, a medium one with a hump inside, and the biggie). The Jurassic Park drop is better than the four minor drops in Splash Mountain (though the one with the hump is very fun), but Splash Mountain's finale is still superior to me.


Look familiar? No, this is not Jurassic Park 1985, it's Back to the Future: The Ride. (What a creative name!) I like Zemeckis's trilogy of movies. The first is nearly peerless, the third is almost as good, and even the second is really cool. So I came into the ride with high hopes and left satisfied. My one complaint is its short length, though ALL good rides are to short. The best part was in the outside queue, where an actor playing Doc Brown stands as still as a statue, and then suddenly comes to life as someone passes him, either frightening them (one young woman spilled a bit of her coffee) or making them laugh. It's ESPECIALLY fun to watch, and I dearly hope this is a regular feature. The actor was very good at staying still, even when given a few exploratory prods. ("Sorry, I was frozen in time!")

Inside the building people are put in rows, while a preshow plays overhead. It's extremely funny and well done, keeping to the spirit of the original movies. It stars Christopher Lloyd and Thomas F. Wilson as Biff. At one point, we see the view of a security camera as Biff comes up to it and starts to talk with us, starting with "What're you looking at, butthead?" Two security figures come by and ask Biff if he's seen anyone suspicious around. "They say he's a real jerk," they explain. When they eventually catch on a fair amount of scenes later, Biff sends them sprawling with a bunch of ball-bearing things and other various equipment. He runs and mocks them, yelling "See you next winter!" One security guy, still stuck on the ground, yells back "It's 'See you next FALL', you idiot!" I tell you, this definitely does the film justice.

Next, you're led into a small room holding 8 people while another TV explains what's going on, followed by a very funny safety video starring crash dummies. Here's something weird about the ride: while you're in the room, the ride is going on on the other side of a door. Consequently, the room shakes like mad, and you can hear several outbursts of Alan Silvestri's masterful fanfare blaring through the not-so-soundproof door.

The ride itself is a mixture of Star Tours and an inverted Soarin' Over California, as DeLoreans holding 8 people each ascend into a domed screen. However, the ride is much wilder and rougher than either Disney simulator. You chase Biff through futuristic skyscrapers, asteroid fields, ice tunnels, and over a volcano into a rocky crevice where you meet two T-rex-like things who really need to see the dentists that take care of the Jurassic Park dinos. Overall, it's a very fun ride, especially the preshow. But the main attraction itself isn't half bad, if you don't mind having a slightly strained neck.


With all due respect to MuppetVision and "It's Tough to be a Bug"-- which I liked-- the Terminator 2 show blows all other 3-D spectacles out of the galaxy. It is the almost complete sensual experience that the Mummy promised but ultimately failed to deliver. For me, it's right up there with Fantasmic! and Disneyland's new fireworks show.

The ride is pretty well-explained in a script that can easily be found online, but read it only if you're absolutely certain you will never see the show. Before the preshow starts, a ticker-tape-like electronic sign shows various important safety warnings before reading "Raise your hand if you're actually reading this". It then asked people to clap their hands if they were reading it, and eventually everyone was reading it as it led the group into shouting in unison various silly things before reading "In a moment, a woman called Kimberly Duncan will come out. She's really creepy. When she appears, let's shout 'Hi Kimberly!' to freak her out." I don't know if this was a pre=programmed sign or if someone was bored, but it was extremely entertaining.

Both the ensuing preshow and the main attraction are superb, excellent, and exciting. I liked it so much that I don't want to give it away to whatever lonely soul who might be reading this (and hello to you if you are reading this). Of course, these words may never be read, but I can't write about the show without going into it in depth, like "The Incredibles", and this post is already fairly long. Suffice to say that it includes live actors, wild 3D action, spritzes of water, unbelievable special effects, and moving chairs. Definitely a must-see, even for a Disneyland-phile like me.


The highlight of Universal for me was the studio tour, because there is nothing else like it. It's not only a tour, but a ride as well, and a pretty lengthy one, clocking in at about 45 minutes. Time-wise, this is the best deal in the park. Incidentally, Universal movies aren't the only things filmed there; when I went, they were filming "Desperate Housewives" (ABC) and movies like Steven Spielberg's War of the Worlds(Paramount) and Pirates of the Caribbean (guess who) were also partially shot there.

The tour covers quite a lot of ground, and travels on some seriously steep roads. It ventures into some special ride-like places too. There is an encounter with Bruce from Jaws and one with the old-school King Kong. There's also a flash flood and a show building featuring a simulated earthquake in a subway station, complete with falling trucks, crashing trains, and broken water mains. There's also a "Mummy Tunnel" where a mixture of projections and slight movement make it feel like you really are spinning around. Ride aspects aside, the tour goes through lots of amazing, real movie sets, and the guide supplies plenty of trivia along the way, accompanied by movie clips and videos featuring host Whoopi Goldberg. The greatest set is one from War of the Worlds, where an actual passenger jet is broken and scattered about a town with crushed houses and the like. It really is entertaining and educational, and nothing really compares with it.

But for me, Disneyland remains the most magical.
But visit Universal, if you can.

(All images copyright Universal Studios)

Let's get this outta the way...

The Incredibles is my favorite movie of all time. Period. I know I am not alone; there's a pretty voluminous amount of stuff on the web singing its praises. I have watched it more than a dozen times and each time, it's gotten better. Unbelievable? Well, some of you may know of a little movie called Shrek 2. My thoughts on that movie are the subject of their own post, but suffice to say, I saw it. But, unlike many, I was not particularly looking forward to it because even before the summer of 2004 had started, I had gotten all jazzed up about The Incredibles. Ever since I saw the teaser in Finding Nemo, I was hooked. And when I saw The Incredibles, it beat my impossibly high expectations. By a lot. Make no mistake: Brad Bird is a genius of not just animation, but film in general, up there with Spielberg. In fact as Bird makes more movies, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if he eventually beat Spielberg in my mind. And that's no small feat: Spielberg is my current favorite director and a brilliant filmmaker by any standard.

Which brings us to our first topic: hype. It would be easy to call the above paragraph gushings from a hormone-crazed fanboy. But it is not, at least to me. It's frankly hard to get someone to change their opinion, especially regarding issues of taste. I read about people gushing about the Jimmy Newtron movie, extolling its many virtues, when the truth is: it sucks. The problem with most "art", and especially such a commercial one as film, is that you can justify any piece of crap to be good because "Art is subjective". But sometimes, someone's perception of what is good is off the mark. For example, if I claim that a good movie has to have a clunky plot, boring characters, shoddy direction, and an atrocious story, I can then legitimately call Batman & Robin a good movie. This is because the word good has no fixed meaning and I can bend it any way I want. If you like boring, story-less movies, then I can't argue when you say you like Ghostbusters 2 over Ghostbusters.

But most of you are smart enough to define a good movie as having a rich story, complex characters, excellent direction, and real depth. But where we disagree is on what defines these qualities. What one person sees as inconsistencies in a character, another can see it as depth, complexity, and subtlety. I think The Incredibles is an utterly fantastic movie in all respects: the dialogue, direction, story, production design, characters, action scenes, drama, music... If you hate this movie, and you can't, I probably won't be able to change your mind. Let's face it: humans in general do not like to admit that they're wrong. Stephen Hawking and Einstein did it, and they were talking about stuff much more important than movies. I didn't like Shrek when it came out, but lots of people did. So I watched it again and found that it does have mostly excellent content. Then again, I keep reading on how the SpongeBob SquarePants movie rocked. Well, guess what? I still hate it. And I really like the TV show! So the point, clearly, is that I am pretty good at ending up in an unexpected place when I'm allowed to. You know what? I am so indoctrinated in the public school system that I'm actually wondering how to connect all my thoughts to a thesis I haven't written and thus make a satisfying and resounding conclusion. Well, screw that.

So why that whole riff on taste? Well, first, it's fun to write about something you think you know about but really don't, and second, this is merely a defense to all the buttheads out there who think of The Incredibles as less than excellent.

Start

When I write, everything is easier. Of course, that doesn't mean I love writing essays about everything, and neither do I think of myself as exceptionally savvy with the written word. But you should see me talk... or try to talk. It's all in my head, but what comes out when people talk to me is quiet and rather boring. "I don't know", I've found, is a very efficient conversation killer. But I'm not doing this intentionally-what I want to do is the exact opposite, in fact. But the fact is, I'm shy. People don't hate me... I guess they just think I don't want to talk. But I do. And now that I've had a pity party, I'll get to the point. Maybe, through here, I'll be able to express myself more fully.